Paranormal 101: "You Know Nothing, Jon Snow"

Welcome to The WPA's Wicked Awesome Beginners Class to being a super cool ghost hunter. Today, you will learn that you know jack shit about about ghosts, where to find them and what tools you need to do so because, well, sadly, you've been jaded by television. Paranormal Investigating relies on theory. It is a pseudo-science, for lack of a better term, and as such, draws upon theoretical methods in conjunction with known investigation techniques in order to find evidence to support a claim or debunk it entirely. Because of this, experimentation is actually a fantastic thing to do because no one actually knows for sure what works and what doesn't. All the bells and whistles you see on television shows? Those are experiments that have yielded compelling enough results to continue being used. It's all about...

Lesson 1: SCIENCE!

Scientifically speaking, not a single person reading this can say with certainty what lies beyond our feeble mortal life because we are incapable of knowing until , well... we die. We can hypothesize, we can assume, we can opine. Death is an inevitable certainty and one of a handful of reasons why we keep looking for answers. But to look, we need two things going in; common sense and an open mind. So before going out to the haunted death house of doom, some things to consider:

1) Location, Location, Location (and some simple math).

The assumption is that a spirit will attach itself to a place or person that was somehow meaningful to them. We hear it all the time- someone dies and their spirit sticks around the home, even when new people move in. What you don't hear about is a person who died in their sleep deciding to haunt the local KFC. Though that would be funny. Anyway, the assumption is that spirits are bound to the familiar, or trapped or confused, etc. But if this were this the case, pretty much every person on the planet would have a ghost in their home or following them to Walmart to pick up garbage bags. I want you to think how many people are currently alive on Earth. Now I want you to think about how long mankind has been on Earth. Now how many men, women and children would you guesstimate have died in the past 200,000 years? So why is it when someone on television finds a possible spirit, it's always someone that has passed on in the last two centuries and exclusive to abandoned buildings or places with a violent past? Why are these spirits on television always from a Civil War era location or some southwestern mining community or connected to some local myth or urban legend? Why do we never see an investigation of the Taco Bell in downtown Missoula? Because the former spirits are more active? Ghosts don't like tacos?

No, it's marketing, plain and simple.

People don't want to see the spirit of a 17 year old teenager whose life was mostly about reading manga and playing Call of Duty and died from a rare illness, they want to see the crazy old racist outlaw who torched a hotel to kill one prostitute and said something sinister before being hanged. Chances are high that unless the home you're in right this second was built recently, someone at some point, probably died about two feet from where you're reading this. Don't think for a second that if ghosts are really amongst us, they aren't watching you shower. The point is simple; if we are to believe in ghosts or the possibility of them, then you have to consider that they are literally all around you at any given time, so don't waste precious time seeking out the creepiest abandoned building you can find because chances are likely that someone's Nana is sitting right behind you right now trying to get your attention. Sleep well ;)

2) "Luminous Beings, Are We" (and Ghosts probably don't care how much your equipment cost).

The current theory is that a spirit can somehow give off electromagnetic energy that can only be picked up with a legit EMF detector purchased from a "certified" Paranormal Equipment Seller...

Forgive me, I had to laugh.

Yes, it wouldn't be far fetched to theorize that a spirit is made up of energy. We produce enough of it while we're alive, and way more than a battery, Morpheus! So it would make sense. But how can we put our trust into something that requires electricity to operate in order to detect electromagnetic "disturbances" in a world full of them? Put an EMF detector next to some very un-haunted copper wires and you'll see what I'm getting at here. Which brings me to the best part! Actual "professional" investigators are discouraging the use of Smartphone apps that claim to do what their "professional" tools can do because cellphones emit EMF waves or can't possibly detect something without specific, super expensive hardware installed, blah blah blah.

Here's the deal, folks, if you can theorize that spirits can absorb energy and use it to manipulate our surroundings to communicate through energy, then it's a safe bet to also assume that they can touch a cell phone and make it do weird shit, even if the hardware isn't attached, if they really, really had something important to say, right? I mean one of the most common eyewitness accounts to paranormal activity is flickering lights. I'm pretty sure if you're seeing flickering lights in a location where electricity was added after the passing of the haunting spirit, you wouldn't stop and ask yourself how a ghost can manipulate the energy from a fluorescent bulb versus an incandescent one, or for that matter, candle light. New technology is made everyday and we would be foolish to not experiment with it. Think logically; ghosts don't check or really care about the firmware of one's iPhone before they attempt to reach out and touch someone, and I highly doubt that a 20 year old cassette recorder is any more sophisticated or professional than a digital recorder app on a phone. What I can say, is that digital recorders and equivalent applications on tablets and smartphones have far more clarity in recording audio and are much easier to transfer to a program designed to enhance the recording to remove certain levels or increase the volume of frequencies we normally do not hear. But if you're set in your ways, by all means, drag that 1993 Karaoke machine into an abandoned hospital. You never know, right? Also, I've used the Smartphone EMF/EVP apps side by side with so-called "professional" detectors and recorders. Given a spike, they both reacted almost in sync. It's not the software, it is the energy and the ability to manipulate it to communicate. Realistically, you could use an old Speak & Spell to communicate. Yes, some of these apps are obviously fake, but some have shown results on the same level as their counterparts. So if someone says you're fake or unprofessional for using a Smartphone app, just keep in mind these people are probably jealous for spending hundreds, if not, thousands of dollars to buy equipment your phone can do with one app for a buck on the App Store. And if you're looking for an app that has a variety of tools that do work, open up the app store on iOS or Android and search for M2. You'll thank me later.

3) "Turn Off That Light!" (or how to play with ghosts in the dark).

Why the dark? No matter where you look, you know to expect two things off the bat when watching paranormal investigations on television- night vision and a dark, super creepy place. The real reasonings for this are kind of simple; first, showmanship. Again, no one will watch if a team of investigators is checking for paranormal activity at a Taco Bell in broad daylight while a line of hungover college students watch you while sipping their Baja Blasts. I mean, unless a demon is throwing crap all around the place because they ran out of Fire Sauce. People want to see the two hundred year old, dank, dilapidated sanitarium that looks like pretty much any place straight out of Silent Hill where a few hundred patients supposedly died under the knife of some quack with an icepick trying to "cure" them. Second; during the day, it's pretty damned loud. Background noises, passing traffic, radios, passing aircraft, that annoying dude on your street who has a glass shattering subwoofer in his 1996 Toyota and drives up and down the street while acting perplexed when someone finally complains of his douchery, etc. Going to investigate at 2am is done to eliminate as much background interference as possible. But it poses other issues. First, safety. As cool as night vision cameras look on television, a tiny 3x1.5in LCD screen is basically the only thing between you and a shattered shin and offers nothing in terms of depth perception. Always carry a flashlight, and always, while in transit from one location to another on the same property, use this flashlight or you will probably trip, fall, bang into something, etc. There are two current styles of flashlight that I would encourage any would-be investigator to add to their collection; a night vision light (which produces a low red color that isn't distracting, but offers enough visibility to see) and a UV light. These are great for two reasons- first; they, like the above NV light, are not distracting or bright, but give you enough to see if need be. Second; it is a UV light, so it can be used for other purposes, such as investigation practices. In a pinch, a UV light will offer additional fill light to a full spectrum camera. This is also a great way to investigate on a budget. Yes, IR light (night vision) is fantastic for eliminating light and shadow contamination, but... it's still a light and it still produces shadows and on camera, it refracts if it hits even the smallest reflective surface. The bottom line is IR Night Vision looks cool, but that's really all it does. The reason it's used, officially, is our eyes can only see within a specific spectrum. If you want to be able to peer into additional spectrums, IR is actually quite limited, which is why you're probably noticing more and more people using full spectrum cameras as they can see our visible light spectrum, IR and UV. Moving on; when conditions are ideal, don't be afraid to use daylight to your advantage. While we all want one of those epic IR shots, we must consider a few things here-

a) What makes you, me or anyone else think that roaming around the dark is any more beneficial than doing the exact same thing during the day? Also, I often ask myself this... how the actual Hell can a spirit see in the dark? I mean, yes, we know next to nothing about them, sure, but my mind tends to wander to these silly ideas that ask questions like, why would a ghost wait until midnight to communicate with someone, and seriously, how can they see us? Do we look like the Matrix to them? And,

b) To call yourself an investigator, you must investigate. This is a process that requires you to do things before and after the "cool" part. Are you heading to some abandoned warehouse? Great! Now head to your local library, or even ask Uncle Google about this place. When was it built? When did it close? Why did it close? Why is it supposedly haunted? Did anyone die there? What is its history? These are things one should know before going in with the night vision cameras. You will spend a lot of time doing research before an investigation, and you will spend a lot of time sorting evidence after it. Consider; you bring along two cameras and spent six hours straight filming on both. You now have twelve hours of footage you need to go through. This doesn't include however much audio you recorded or the amount of photographs you took.

4) "Stuff & Thangs"

If you want to go venturing out into the House on Haunted Hill to find ghouls and ghosts, you don't need $5000 worth of high tech "professional" equipment. You can, however, laugh because you can't be a professional anything if it can't yet be proven to be real. It would be no different than saying you're a professional Dragon Hunter. I mean, you can, but no one will believe you. But the point remains; even if you earn a living chasing down possible spirits on the Travel Channel, you're a professional television celebrity with a vested interest in the paranormal, not a professional ghost hunter. That said, every possible piece of equipment used is, until proven otherwise, theoretical with findings based on possibilities, interpretation and an attempt to discover a solid method of gathering evidence, which is why you see the people on television trying new things all the time and, when they cannot define an occurrence, seek out someone who may be better able to help interpret (*). Yes, spirit boxes are pretty compelling and damned creepy, but since it is evidence based on the inability to debunk another source, it's not hard evidence. It's just compelling. Spending a few grand on a thermal imaging camera might make you look "professional" but there is still zero evidence to suggest that spirits leave any form of heat signature. At best, they can be used to prove odd temperature spikes and drops, as have been recorded numerously, showing a consistency that further suggests a theory, but has yet to prove one. The same can be said about night vision and full spectrum cameras; sure, they help capture the mood, but their reliability is no more or less valid than using a regular camera. Preferably, you want to use something with great image results to eliminate as much noise as possible to make it easier to discern between natural video compression elements, dust particles and IR shadows and not succumb to pareidolia. While you can't see IR light, it still casts shadows, so keep that in mind because more often than not, people will show evidence of a figure, but ignore the fact that the figure is also clearly holding a camera. (*): a great example of this is during an episode of Ghost Adventures, Zac is standing in a hallway and gets pegged by a small rock that can clearly be seen lifting off the ground and shot at him, bouncing away. Since he couldn't definitively say for sure this was the work of a spiritual entity, he instead took the footage to two professionals- an Audio/Visual Forensics Expert and a Hollywood Special Effects Developer. The forensics guy said the physics were accurate and precise, but impossible to fake at the angle in which it happened. The SFX Guru substantiated this statement and further added that he saw no evidence of video tampering or post effects work and could not say for certain that a professionally developed practical effect could duplicate this occurrence. And even with two professionals backing the claim that this could not be faked, even Zac said all this means is that the evidence couldn't be debunked and never said it was proof of anything, which is about as professional an answer as one can give.]

5) The Possimpible (or how to be a true professional in a non-professional profession).

A few things to consider here, in terms of how you go about your investigations. First, no matter what you may believe, even people who call or contact you directly looking for answers can be skeptical about what they've experienced. Do not go into a place and expect right off the bat that just because the client had an unexplained experience, they will automatically be on board with whatever you say. They would like to believe, but they would probably also prefer to hear that they were just absent minded one night or that they need to replace an air vent. Bare bones, paranormal investigating is a science. You are there to either confirm or debunk. The latter being most likely. More often than not, you'll find a loose air duct is making a weird noise before you find the ghost of a Civil War General. Go in, tell them what it is you will be doing, see what you see and if no possible explanation can be found, you can suggest paranormal activity as a possibility, but if your findings turn up nothing in that area either, then you, as a "professional" cannot say the place is haunted. Tell the client you found no evidence to suggest paranormal activity, but also explain you found no evidence to suggest anything else either. Do not, and I cannot stress this enough, walk into a persons home or business and pull out candles or start feeling unless you are recreating historic conditions or have permission from the property owner of a private location. There are a lot of people who don't take this approach seriously, even if it has had verified results. When in doubt, stick to the science. Public locations are fair game, however, and truth be told, it never hurts to have a reliable empath on your side.

Finally, never, ever, charge a client. I know you spent all that money to get equipment, plus travel expenses, etc., but again, you are not a professional, you are an enthusiast with a higher degree of interest/knowledge on a subject. I took two semesters of Psychology and Sociology, but I graduated with a degree in Film. Professionally speaking, I'm a Film Editor, not a Psychologist. There are alternatives to financing yourself. First, most paranormal investigators have day jobs. Second, there is nothing wrong with asking for donations in small denominations. And finally, fundraisers are excellent way to not only get a little money for your research, but also help others in the process. I'll give you an example: Start a fundraiser with the goal of reaching $1k. Be transparent in that you're doing this in order to raise money for updating equipment. Next, tell (and it is important to follow through or else you'll become ostracized) your patrons that 50% of all proceeds will go directly to a charity. Your sponsors will be more willing, the charity will be grateful, you'll have done something good and bonus! You can get some new equipment! Everybody wins!

And to end end our lesson today...

6) #lawyered

What is this, you might ask? Well, you're about to head into some complete strangers home with a bunch of high tech recording equipment. You also probably have or plan to have a website, a YouTube Channel and a few hundred followers on Facebook/Twitter. These people are going to want to see what you've found (if anything) which means you need to make sure to inform your client that in the event you do find something, you have every intention of sharing this information. Make sure they are aware of this before you even leave your "Nerve Center" (read: bedroom) and even if you never use them, print out a professional looking release form that details who you are, who the client is, what your intentions are and that the client is aware that in the event you collect convincing evidence, you will freely share this information to the public and will be held harmless in case the client decides later on that you capturing his or her home on laundry day somehow violates their privacy and they, in turn, decide to sue you for invasion of privacy or any number of ridiculous claims. It has happened, so don't laugh. Before you enter any location, make sure your ass is protected. Public locations are fair game. But in a private location, it is crucial that you respect ones right to privacy. If they are cool with being on camera and having their laundry on full display for your audience, great! But they still have to sign something stating this. Additionally, you'll want to go to a location before and possibly after the actual investigation for what us film folk call b-roll. But we'll get to that kind of fun stuff in another lesson.

And that, kids, are the basics. Next time we will explore proper investigations and the reality of them. Until then, happy hunting!

"One last lesson before you are dismissed... always bring extra batteries. No go on, you knuckleheads!"